


Letter for Hinata Shoyo from Kageyama Tobio's Journal

by tsukkitaiyo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Mentioned Hinata Shouyou, POV Kageyama Tobio, i wouldnt say angst but it can be a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28783578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukkitaiyo/pseuds/tsukkitaiyo
Summary: Kageyama Tobio usually writes in his journal about volleyball, but it has been a while since volleyball isn’t the only content he writes. The only thing he knows now is that he must write about his feelings. He must write about Hinata Shoyo.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Letter for Hinata Shoyo from Kageyama Tobio's Journal

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I really like to write Tobio's POV and his way of expressing himself. I wrote this more than a month ago and I decided to translate it to English and I made some changes I believe would fit better with him. Anyway, it has been a long time since I watched Haikyuu first and second season and I cannot remember the exact order of the facts. I did my best to organise it but if there is some chronological mistake just tell me and I'll edit or you can ignore it if you don't think it will change the content and quality of this fanfic. Any mistakes you can politely correct me, I'm always looking for improvement of my work. No more words here, hope you enjoy it!

Journal,

I’m used to writing about volleyball here. There are at least 5 versions of you. Although it has been a while since I don’t write anymore only about new techniques, last matches and volleyball stuff. I haven’t realised it before, I mean he is part of what I see as volleyball, but today i need to talk specifically about Hinata Shoyo.  
  


When we found each other in Karasuno for the first time, you wondered if I remembered about you. Actually you thought I wouldn’t. You’re such a stupid, Hinata. How would I forget about a little guy who confronted me as an equal, moreover in the worst period of my reign? You marked me for the first time. I’ve never been good with words (at least no when I say them out loud, I guess I’m better writing but no one knows or will know it), so I feel glad when you keep practicing after I asked you what you’ve been doing these years time and I said only the strong get to stay on the court. If you didn’t stand, it wouldn’t be you. I hope we would become rivals but first we had to be allies. I had curiosity about how far you could go, I wasn’t expecting that for you to go where you are going, I would be the guy who had to toss for you. Even worse when I think that I need you to be able to conquer the position I am now. I’ve never thought my way would be like this, I wasn’t planning it. I kept thinking about you when I didn’t know your name and, now, your name is written inside of me forever.  
  


Volleyball is my life. I used to share this with my grandfather and it is my way to keep him alive inside of me. More than that, volleyball became my way of living. Repeating: Volleyball is my life. Do you think you had the right to get involved on this, Boke? I don’t know if you knew what you were doing but you did it anyway. My life is volleyball, my grandpa’s memories and Hinata Shoyo.

I may be looking silly writing it, but it has a reason. I’m going to explain by using proofs:

> Today I had a match against a short guy (around 1,60 meters) without any talent or techniques and his team had the minimum players number. It was clear of everyone they would lose and this guy said ‘But we didn’t lose yet’. I don’t know your name, but now have a rival. I hope you do more from now than you have done.

> **Hinata Shoyo**. It’s his name. We came to the same high school and team. In order to be the official setter I must be his ally.

> ‘I may be short, but I can jump’, that is what he said. It’s weird and different the way **Hinata** jumps, as he is sure the ball will meet his hand. However he’s a terrible player and he cannot follow my sets. I don’t know why people judge his height instead of his skills. It isn’t his height that makes him an untalented player, his jumps show that he already get over this wall, he must be called attention for his weak points. 

> I am the one who needs to learn how to follow the other players. It was what Sugawara-senpai said. It worked. **Hinata** and I were able to make a quick attack.

> **Hinata** didn’t allow that random guy call me by that word.

> We won. I can be the official setter. Me, **Hinata** and Tanaka-senpai did it.

> That annoying tangerine is a complete dumbass. **Hinata** Boke. It isn’t related to volleyball but as long as we are on the same team and we are a duo during the practicings, I must be aware about his improvement and disadvantages. 

> Today is my first official game as a Karasuno player. **Hinata** is passing sick. I offered yogurt and we were on the bus, maybe was that? I don’t know, when we met each other he was nauseous too. It can be only nervousness, maybe both.

> We didn’t win this time. My hand is shaking a lot to write more about details and I cannot concentrate to analyse what happened. I saw **Hinata** crying.

> We need to have good grades to be allowed to go on the volleyball camp training. How can **Hinata** be so friendly with people? That dinosaur blond monster won’t help us (I didn’t want his help anyway) to study. Yachi-chan will teach us English. Some team members said our brain is made of volleyball, I don’t get why it would be a problem.

> **Hinata** said he will start to open his eyes during the quick attack. Don’t he trust me anymore? No, it isn’t that. But it’s not possible now, he won’t mark points. I won’t set for him because he isn’t being useful.

> Me and **Hinata** fighted. I was alone in the bus again. I haven’t realised I didn’t sit alone anymore until now. I feel alone.

> He is a mess, but he did it. I’ve always known **Hinata** could do it. I feel guilty for didn’t supporting him, I only thought that wasn’t the right moment, it wouldn’t be the best for our team. But of course I’ve ever trusted him, otherwise I would be his duo. He is a player with few advantages, but he has the ones most worthy, that is why he’s my best partner. He is more than people usually think about him. I don’t want to spend a lot of time writing or thinking about it, the important thing is he did it and it will be good for Karasuno. 

> We are talking with each other again. I only realised it when Yachi-chan commented. It seems something natural, like we need to practice volleyball, so we play. It’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one who kept things as nothing had happened. It may mean **Hinata** didn’t think we wouldn’t talk anymore besides I didn’t support his decision. Should we talk about it? May it help the team?

> Suga-senpai said I should have a conversation with **Hinata** . I admire the way he can connect with people. I am the official Karasuno setter but he has a lot of skills I need to improve.   
  


> We’re good. **Hinata** said he is used to people don’t trusting he could do something but, after thinking about it, he doesn't see my attitude this way and he wasn’t mad. He also said playing without me isn’t the same, so I shouldn’t act as a melancholic asshole. Boke. Anyway, how can he be so clear about what he feels? Is that part of what Suga-senpai said I should do in order to become a better player? Player and person, I guess.

> Our second chance today. We’re going to nationals. I said to **Hinata** don’t worry and he doesn’t need to feel sick this time because we’re going to win. He felt sick the same way. Should I have said it with other words?

> We are going to play against a team which has a 2 meters man. I don’t get what scares **Hinata**. He’s totally capable and brave to fight it. He talks a lot about how much he wants to be taller and, yes, it would be more advantageous being taller, but I wouldn’t change anything about him. Only when he’s a really dumbass, I would change it. I would change his silly smiling face in an inappropriate time too because I feel something different when he does it and I’ve never felt this.

> I guess it is my time to feel nauseous. Next match is against Aoba Johnsai. Nobody seems to notice how I feel inside. Good. Except for **Hinata** , but it’s okay. He said we’re going to kick their asses. For some reason he isn’t afraid anymore and that excites me. I am better.

> One of my favourite parts of being a setter is I have a privileged place to see the first lost expression the team we beat does. Oikawa’s face was incredible. **Hinata** will never know he was the one who made me feel calm before the match started. 

> Only one more and we’ll go to nationals. We must beat Shiratorizawa. I feel no fear, I know Karasuno will do it. I cannot upset my grandpa, **Hinata** and them all. I cannot upset myself again.

> **Hinata** was so happy when we were celebrating our victory today. His receive is still awful.

> I was invited to practice with japanese official volleyball team for a week. I don’t know how to describe how honoured I am. I tried don’t demonstrate as it was expected for me but I am actually truly happy that pro high level people are noticing me. My hard work is being appreciated after everything I had experienced. I said to **Hinata** I will go first. One day he will be here too, I didn’t say the last part because I don’t think our kind of relationship would be motivated by these words and it doesn’t seem natural for me.

> I wonder if **Hinata** is practicing even more to be here one day. I would say yes since he doesn’t answer my messages, so he may be busy. I have no time to chat too and I must write about everything I am learning this week. 

> **Hinata** can jump even higher.

> I cannot believe this stupid invaded a place he wasn’t invited and he was speding the hole week catching balls while he could be practicing more. I won’t subestimate watching cautionfully but **Hinata** Boke.

> I don’t understand how people cannot follow me. It’s not complicated! I explain how it must be done. Everything is wrong. They think I changed, but he is still inside of me. I am afraid to be alone again, without my teammates and my partner. How would **Hinata** react about this part of me? I’ve been thinking about what Atsumu called me. ‘Good boy’, what does it suppose to mean? He is wrong and I am afraid of exploding again and people realise it. I don’t want what happened in middle school to happen in high school. 

> I am a king. If the court needs a king, then I am. It’s not fate as I was used to thinking, **Hinata** showed it to me. I was wondering how he would react if he knew and now I am the one who knows it’s not an issue being who I am. I am not alone anymore, I am not alone anymore, I am not alone anymore. That middle school scene won't come back to my mind because now I know I am not alone anymore.

> Boke. Boke. Boke. Boke. Boke. **Hinata** asked me to go out with him to wish Karasuno’s victory as New Year resolution. I cannot believe this dumbass asked me to go out with him only for this. We don’t need wishes, we need to practice. Of course I said no. I feel butterflies on my stomach. Boke, **Hinata**. Boke.

> We’re in nationals. I want us to win, I know we’re going to win. Detail: **Hinata** doesn’t feel bad anxiety this time, it means he’s more confident.

> We got the next championship day for tomorrow. **Hinata** and I wanted to go out to have a private conversation, so we said we would go out for a run. They asked for Tsukishima to go with us. He didn’t seem to pay attention, so we could talk. I asked **Hinata** how he was feeling and he said he was glad to be there. I started to play volleyball so soon I’ve never thought how it would be if I didn't have a team for me or how it would be if i had to play in a girl team. I mean there’s nothing wrong in practice with girl team since girls can do anything a guy can do (Actually I enjoy so much playing with Miwa even it is only for fun those last years), the thing is officially playing in a gendered team you don’t identify with because there isn’t a team of your gender. That might be even worse for **Hinata** since he is trans and he could read the situation as people don’t take him seriously as a man. Moreover, nobody has ever thought I am not capable of doing something for some physical characteristic - and I am not at a really tall height for volleyball yet. He doesn’t think about it, the only thing he wants is what he can do now to stay on the court. We aren’t so different. My first intention with my question was knowing why he doesn’t feel nauseous anymore but I guess I got much more than only one answer.

> I am kinda annoyed about the way Atsumu julged **Hinata** weren’t capable. I guess I misunderstood the situation, that happens a lot. Anyway **Hinata** sucks and he is a mess player, but he is capable. Based on **Hinata** ’s reaction, I guess I said the right words. I wonder if Atsumus gets this too. If he didn’t, then he will in a few minutes because we’re going to proof. By the way, it’s kinda weird to me being the guy who says nice words, but it’s even worse seeing a teammate being intimidated by the other team. Not the case, I don’t think **Hinata** would be intimated but anyway.

> Exactly as I said. We won. I didn’t get what Atsumu said to **Hinata** , I’m really tired. I just wanted to register something here but I don’t even know if I’ll be able to read it later.

> **Hinata** ’s reception has improved a lot. He didn’t allow me to lie saying I didn’t see it, he said to me see the next one so. Was it lucky? I mean it was ~~perfec~~ … how do I erase it? I am writing using a pen. Anyway I see nothing, there’s nothing to write here. Okay, now I’ll sleep.

> Our next match is against Nekoma. I’m not worried, we can win and we can lose - as ever match -, we have to fight with our best. **Hinata** and Kenma are friends and if it doesn’t make him even more energetic about this game it wouldn’t be here. I bet Kenma is feeling the same since they’re friends. To be honest, all of us are very excited about this game because Nekoma is a great rival and ally for Karasuno. It’s an honour playing against a great team like Nekoma.

> I’ve never got the thing between **Hinata** and Kenma, but now I think I do. When we met each other we felt enthusiastic about volleyball stuff, I think he has his own way to play and he is a great setter. After the match I said to Kenma we should play more times. **Hinata** pretended to be mad saying ‘you stole what I was going to say’ in a dramatic tone, Boke. Me, Kenma and him talked a lot, it was funny. I would like to be close to Kenma as a friend.

> Damnit. **Hinata** improved a lot of his skills. I need a whole page to write about it. I’m going to do this at night, I have no time right now. Almost our next game.

> Important: Volleyball isn’t about only winning. This note really hurts me. I feel childish about wanting to win the nationals with this team formation. I don’t think it’s a wrong thing to feel. **Hinata** jumped even higher and we didn’t win, it means we have to practice much more and it hurts me to know I won’t be able to put this conquest in my life. My teammates make all the difference for me now. Suga said he’s proud of me for how much I’ve changed. I didn’t realise I changed, but I think he is right. My grandpa used to say if you’re strong enough you’re going to be able to keep playing with the strongest. I know Karasuno isn’t the strongest one and it doesn’t bother me we aren’t, what bothers me is I would like to do this with them at least once.

> I understand most of them will follow in different ways, I wonder if **Hinata** will stay at this volleyball dream with me. I hope he does but for now I won this time too.

> I have some time so I’ll use it to make a **Hinata** graphic as I did one for me.

Jump: 5/5

Power: 2/5

Energy: 5/5 (ugh. extroverted freak little sun.)

Game sense: 3/5 (He improved here.)

Technique: 3/5 (A lot of improvement here.)

Speed: 5/5

He’s 1,64 meters. His jumps are 3,33 meters and his blocks are 3,10 meters. His best skills are resistance, speed and jump. He’s the strongest decoy (he seems to deal better with his title).

> During nationals we proved we’ve learned speed isn’t invincible. I said once if **Hinata** is with me, then he would never lose and once he replied it to me. It doesn’t work this way and now we know it more than anyone else. The victory at Inarizaki’s match showed it. I must say at least once: **Hinata** did the perfect receive and he is going to the next habilits level. That was hard to say. He can fly even higher, this I can say out loud with no trouble. We both don’t need to depend on a single characteristic, we can use speed when it is necessary, we can defeat speed and we have other resources. 

> Now I had time to process what Atsumus said to **Hinata** . At first I feel weird but thinking more about it’s nice for **Hinata** development having other people who want to set for him. The only reason I could feel weird for this is for my own insecurities about being alone but I know I am not alone anymore and it’s a pleasure being close to **Hinata** to observate his journey otherwise I wouldn’t be writing about him now. 

> There are many things I must write here. My life has changed completely this year. I’ve been pulling **Hinata** to be with me. Suga told me I am doing it, I didn’t realise on my own. It makes sense, if he improves then he will be my rival for a long time. It’s silly but I really care about it, I want him to be the promised one, I don’t want to commit a mistake again about my grandpa’s promise. But sometimes he seems to be so far. The only thing I can do is enjoy **Hinata** here to play volleyball with me and trust he will keep our own promise.

> I want to buy a gift for Suga-san’s graduation. **Hinata** ’s going with me to look for something. I’m so thankful for all Suga-senpai have taught me. He supports me to be who I am as a person and as a volleyball player. He was the first one I came out as ace and gay. He’s the friendly elder figure I needed and the friend I wish I had in middle school. I’m glad to have him in my life.

> Today was the first day of my second high school year. It’s strange without Suga, Daichi, Asahi and Kiyoko-senpai, I miss them. Me and **Hinata** had extra hours practicing. Not much different than what we did on vacation, almost every day we go out to play volleyball.

> Karasuno didn’t pass to nationals this year. I feel awful for not feeling upset about it. **Hinata** is crying so much. I mean, I hate losing and I feel bad but I didn’t get over we don’t have our senpais anymore, it would be strange without them there. It’s a feeling I don’t know how I would react. I did my best and I know I’ll stay on the court for a long time even if it isn’t now.

> **Hinata** and I have more autonomy to stay as long as we want after practicing. Maybe it’s because we’re a little bit older now, but anyway Ennoshita-senpai isn’t as rough as Daichi about letting us stay in the gym at night, he even gave us one of the keys. 

> Remembering: Do not let **Hinata** jump wrong, depending on the lesion he could be really hurted and that would undermine his staying on the court. He must fly higher as POM, don’t repeat BING POM. I don’t know how to explain it, but we got it.

> Time to choose a new captain. I think Yamaguchi is the best option - and Saltshima agrees, ugh. I can see I am putting my personal feelings outside because I rather if it was **Hinata** but I rationally know Yamaguchi is already the captain for our third year. What is to be a capitan? Part of me would like to be a captain one day but I don’t have enough social skills now and **Hinata** doesn’t have the patience and strategy, Tsukishima doesn’t have ambicion for this (part because he is concentrated in study for to be at a college last year but anyway), only Yamaguchi can put us all together as a real leader for Karasuno team. Me and **Hinata** were resting on my bed and he seemed upset. I tried to explain to him, but I am not good with this kind of conversation. I wonder if I could show him support this time, I mean I got his feelings. I’m also afraid of him having less visibility but he doesn’t need the captain to call attention, but the fact is Yamaguchi is the captain we need as Daichi-senpai and Ennoshita-senpai were. **Hinata** got this too. He asked if he could spend the night at home and I said yes. I am writing while he is sleeping because I couldn’t lose this thought and now I should sleep too. His hair is even softer when he is sleeping, he is adorable. How can someone be so adorable?

> We are in this captain role again. But this time **Hinata** thanked me for being supportive and clear about the situation. Besides his ambitions, he can see Yamaguchi is the best decision and that won’t take his chances about volleyball career from him. He also said I am his best friend. It may sound silly - I told Suga about this and he said it was obvious - but I am truly happy and kinda surprised about it. In sume, I guess we got each other’s feelings. **Hinata** is also my best friend. 

> Boke. **Hinata** almost read my journal without my allowance. I slept at his home for the first time. We wanted to play volleyball but he had to take care of his sister. It was late so he invited me and why not. I forgot my backpack opened and he almost took it. He said he wanted to read about a move to impress me. Boke. He could have asked me for it. Of course at first I felt mad about it but then it passed because Natsu came to the room to stay more with us. She said she likes me! She said she likes me more than she likes her brother, I can say I won again.

> A doctor said to **Hinata** he won’t grow anymore. He freaked out because he will always be 1,67. I told him it was stupid losing his mind for this; Being short is a weekness in volleyball, it’s not something that will limitated someone. What matters is how high you can jump, basic techniques and improving moves. Besides we don’t play alone, there are at least six people on the court with you. We almost fight. I hate to admit this but we didn’t fight because I started to cry when I realised I could be alone again and this time Suga-san wouldn’t be here. I am closer to Yamaguchi and Yachan in those years (even Tsukki, to be honest) but it’s different, I have really strong troubles with the idea of friendship yet. I don’t care about being the king of the court - I am proud of who I am - and I know I am not alone anymore, but my fears didn’t go away at the same time I realised all this. It might be step by step. **Hinata** asked nothing, he hugged me as much time as I needed when, actually, he was the one who needed to be hugged this time. I feel a fool.

> We’re senior years and everything is different. We are the senpais of a whole team, I am not used to this. The last time I was someone’s senpai it was awful. They don’t seem to be excited by volleyball. Even Tsukki was annoyed by their empty dedication. I miss being a first year. It’s adorable seeing **Hinata** incentivizing them. Yamaguchi and he are doing an excellent job. I’m doing it too but they have a kinder way to incentive people. Oh, senior year **Hinata** is an entire sun, even I’m feeling more incentivated and volleyball is my passion since I was a baby. So bright, I cannot take my eyes off him.

> I was summoned to participe of the japanese national team for the Rio Olympics in 2016. It’s the honour of my life until now. I’m not a word-guy, but I feel secure to write an essay here about it. Before, I need to say I think I saw **Hinata** crying hidden. I’m not sure because when Takeda-sensei gave us the news, **Hinata** jumped above me for a hug, he seemed to be honestly happy and I don’t think he would pretend this feeling. I don’t know if I should talk with him.

> **Hinata** is far from me at practice. Our attack isn’t at the potential it could be and we had refined it a lot in the last years. Maybe I am ausent too? He must be with a lot of things at his mind, only this. Actually he should show it being more rough on practicing.

> Should I talk with **Hinata**? I need to practice more and dedicate all of myself for the Olympics but it is hard to do it when I wonder all the time if I really saw him crying or not and he is acting weird. I don’t know what to do, I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing my entire life.

> I've decided since I woke up I’ll have this conversation with **Hinata** . I called him to practice more with me, he stayed a bit and then he said he had to go home to take care of his sister. It was weird, the last times he took care of Natsu he invited me to go with him. There was a time they both went home because there we could take care of her and use the time and space to practice more. It was funny, Natsu was super interested in volleyball, I think she has a lot of potential. Anyway, is he upset with me? **Hinata** must practice more, he cannot discourage.

> Boke. **Hinata** , Boke.   
  


> **Hinata** kissed me. I told him I will be at the gym to practice more and he said he will also do it. That was the first time we played together since I was called for the Olympics. We stayed in silence for the whole practice. I asked if he wanted to talk about it when we were outside on the stairs. He didn’t answer, only locked the gym and came closer and closer. I looked at my eyes for a long time, we were at the same eye-level. He gently held my face and kissed me. My first kiss. I’ve never thought how it would be to kiss someone. If I had, it makes sense to be **Shoyo** . I mean, **Hinata** . I cannot erase it. Whatever, nobody will read it. I held his waist and kissed him back. If it happened some years earlier, I would have questioned myself if it would affect our team, but what I can analyse is it did affect the better. I hope it, to be honest, my judgement can be biased. I don’t want to be a reason to lower Karasuno’s capacity, but I don’t want to kiss **Hinata** only one time even if it is selfish.

> Practicing is much better now. It's been two weeks since me and **Hinata** kissed every day in some moments we are alone. Our synchrony is back but we didn’t talk about how he was feeling before.

> Yamaguchi saw us on the lockers after practicing. I thought that as a captain he would advise us about the risks it could be for the team, but he did the opposite. He deduced it was happening a while and said ‘It was in time for you two’ and sweetly laughed. Was there something only me and **Hinata** didn’t know?

> There was a camp summer and **Hinata** held my hand in public for the first time. I wonder if holding someone's hand can affect my sets. I am dumb. His hands are so soft, I guess we won't have any troubles here.

> Would it be a bad decision for the Karasuno team if i date **Hinata**?

> **Hinata** told me he will go to Brazil after high school. He will be gone. The worst is I was the last one to know it. Best friends, huh? 'I didn't know how to tell you, Kageyama.' If you knew you would leave why did you kiss me in the first place? I was thinking about dating him. I knew I shouldn't be this involved with a guy who is part of my team. I cannot do my sets right, I cannot look to anyone and we all are going to graduate soon. There was a volleyball move I was planning to try with **Hinata** during our Karasuno time. I shouldn't be so mad. I didn't say a word to him, I just kept walking without saying anything.

> I don’t know if I should tell what happened to someone, it seems weird, so I will write here. **Hinata** came to my house this weekend, he wanted to talk and I finally exploded from my quiet week, he yelled at me in return. When we were close to say rough words against each other, I kissed him. I shouldn’t write about it here. Anyway, now I’ve already started. We went for.. the next level.. It’s super embarrassing. It wasn’t the first time we did it, I just didn’t write it here because it isn’t about volleyball. No more details, I might talk with Suga-san about. Empty mind, I didn’t think about anything, it just happened. The truth is I am not mad at him, I am only sad I won’t be able to play with him for something and be with him. Just frustration, but not about him; I couldn’t ask him to stay since I know he made this decision for some reason. The only thing I can ask him is for don’t give up on volleyball. ‘I think you should go, just promise me you won’t give up.’ He said when I was called to the national team for the Olympics, he felt as if he had already lost it, so he must try it in a different way. I don’t want **Hinata** to feel this way and he knows the best option for him now. I told him I am afraid of being alone again, he endorsed I am not alone anymore and held my hand. I don’t want this to be so weepy, so it’s not only about we started to walk holding hands all days before it, this is about our practicing coming back even better.

> Me and **Hinata** did the new movement missing two days for our graduation. I couldn’t ask him again what he has been doing this long as an insult, even kidding, because I would be insulting myself. Part of me was only able to be where I am now because of him and I believe I marked him the same way. I want **Shoyo** to show as much potential about himself as I know he has. By the way, I haven’t called him **Shoyo** yet, but it seems right to think about him saying his first name.

> This dumbass made me cut my hair. He said I should cut my hair because my eyes’s view would look better. I understand he was talking about how my view would be better without hair on my eyes, then I cut my own. He was flirting with me, he meant he would be more able to see my eyes. Cute Boke, I am so angry with this adorable man who makes me blush. I cannot believe this. Also Miwa yelled at me saying I have a hairstylist sister I could ask her for a haircut, to be honest I wasn’t thinking much, I was thinking about **Shoyo** saying my eyes are pretty.. Okay it was my mistake don’t get this as a flirt. Damnit, he won’t know it. Actually he is the one who needs a haircut. I’m going to tell him tomorrow.

> Our third year went out as third years for the last time. I tossed a paper ball for **Shoyo** and he attacked the paper on Tsukki's head. It was super funny. Tadashi told us off. Yachi laughed saying she was glad for these three years with us. We all laughed with us. I was a guy who was abandoned by his own team during a match and I had no one to talk about my favourite thing in the world, even my sister doesn’t enjoy it anymore (which is okay) and my grandpa isn’t here anymore to share this. I have them, I belong here. I am glad they showed me how volleyball can be and more.

> Graduation day. We came to play as Karasuno’s students at the gym for the last time. **Hinata** closed his eyes for a quick attack as the first time he was here to my toss. We are so far from the beginning. Besides, the way I see **Shoyo** that day is the same I can see today. I’ll miss Karasuno, as I’ve been missing first year and national days. As I miss my grandpa. As I’ll miss **Shoyo**. All of them are eternalised inside of me and they’re part of what volleyball is for me.

  
  


These are all Hinata Shoyo’s registers on my volleyball journal during high school. So I don’t think I would be a fool for writing about my feelings for him now and, even if I am being a fool, it means I’ve been being silly for a while.

He took a plane some hours ago. I was with him until the last minute. I couldn’t say a lot and there was a lot I wanted to say. I realise I’ve never told him that I love him and I didn’t have the opportunity to try being his boyfriend, that is one of the reasons he must come back one day. Love seems a strong word, I don’t know how to describe the way I feel it for Hinata, I know I do on my way and I know he would get it.

From next month I will be busy practicing for the Olympics and you will be busy with new experiences and finding yourself, but, Shoyo, please, don’t forget about me during this time because I couldn’t forget about you even though I was really dedicated about trying it. I couldn’t forget about the red haired short guy who brought with him the whole sunshines and had the highest jump I’ve ever seen a middle schooler without any talent could do and I didn’t even know his name. There is no way I would forget about one of the volleyball meanings for me, Hinata Shoyo.

I’ll be waiting for your backing because I trust you. I was afraid of feeling loneliness again, I felt this way again even with no reason. But you showed me there’s no need to feel this way. I believe in who you are and I trust your word you’ll be back one day. You said one of the reasons you will come back one day is for me, you say we have to play volleyball and you didn’t forget our promise since our first match. I want to play against you again, Hinata. I won’t let you win and if you do it, I won’t hold my smile. I also know one day we are going to play on the same side of the court again because, as I said, I came first, but you’ll play your first Olympics too. I wonder if you will still feel nauseous before the game. Anyway, I believe in you, Hinata Shoyo.

Don’t let anyone tell you which you are capable of. You’re my best ally and my biggest rival, I won’t give you these titles if you weren’t someone capable of betting me and finding the best of me. I knew it for the first time. You’re a terrible player, you keep making basic mistakes and you have a lot to improve, I guess beach volleyball will help you. Of course I made a research about Brazil when it was certain you would go. You must use a sun protector and beachvolley is incredible. It’s a country on the other side of the world and I don’t think I really get how it works. There are 12 hours different time zones between us. Brazilian volleyball is one of the best, this I already knew. You have how to improve and make it our own way during this time. Since you’ve proved your worth it, I said to anyone I would toss for you and you would get a point for our team. You are capable, Hinata Shoyo.

I am calling you by writing your name here because I wasn’t able to do this before you took the plane. I feel drowned on words. I know you’re going back one day. I guess it was for the best, after all I’ll be practicing so much I wouldn’t have time and you could feel pressured about it. Weird how sometimes we have to be far to be close. We can see each other when I go to Rio for the Olympics, we can find an hour to call and text. I don’t want you to be alone in a whole new country, I guess this is my own insecurity, you have no trouble in making friends as I have. We don’t have to feel alone or less capable as long as we have each other and we keep working on our self improvement, Shoyo.

Only two more things:

\- I will be your setter, Boke.

\- Once my grandpa said someone even better would find me if I was good enough. This someone even better only can be you, so you must be. You are the only one who could be, Hinata Shoyo.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure about angst because I don't feel it when I read but it can be for some people since Tobio will have to wait to tell Shoyo about his feelings.  
> It's kinda weird for me working on this since I changed my writing process. It wasn't only language translating but also about dealing with the progress of my writing skills. (I mean it had around 4.3k words and now has more than 6k).  
> The best part of writing this for me was thinking about their second and third years. I don't have a lot of concrete headcanons, so I appreciate spending so much time guessing how it was and I choose this version for now. Feel welcome to share any thoughts! See you all soon ^^.


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